As parents, it’s hard to watch our children struggle. We want to nurture resilience, protect them from discomfort and frustration, stepping in when they face challenges. It’s a natural instinct—to smooth the way and keep them safe from emotional or physical hardship. But are we holding them back from learning how to be resilient? We want to see our children proud of their efforts and building capacity, leaning into courage and stepping into learning. For children, the realisation of their efforts is immensely satisfying and uplifting.
What Really Builds Resilience?
Resilience isn’t built by avoiding adversity or focusing only on positive thoughts. It develops through real experiences, challenges, and reflection. Affirmations and mindset strategies can help, but they don’t create resilience on their own. True resilience grows when children face difficulties, manage emotions, and reflect on how they handled tough moments.
Our job as adults is to hold space for learning through challenges—not to rush in and fix everything. Children are perceptive—they feed off our energy. If we are worried, they will sense it and doubt themselves. But if we trust in their ability to learn and grow, we have seen time and again that children will rise to the challenge. It’s not about focusing on the struggle or overprotecting them. Instead, we can mentor them, teaching the skills they need, while staying attuned to their limits.
A Real-Life Example of Trust and Growth
At Birdwings, we see this often. One morning, a mother brought her son in, and he was crying, clinging to her, saying, “I don’t want you to go.” She knelt down and said gently, “I know you’re sad, but you won’t be sad for long. You’ll start to play and I’ll be back later. I love you.” After a final hug, she calmly left. Though he was upset, a mentor cuddled him and took him to play. Soon, his sadness eased, and he began to explore and play with the other children.
This is a beautiful example of supporting a child through discomfort. His mother acknowledged his feelings without trying to “fix” them. She trusted in his ability to cope and in our ability to help, Her actions and words communicated this too. With support and space, he found his way to engage with the day.
As parents, it’s hard to trust this process. We don’t like to see our children sad, or frustrated. Especially if we could help them. But by allowing them space to face small struggles, we help them discover their strength rather than teach them to rely upon us to remove the challenge. It’s these moments of trying, reflecting, and trying again that build true resilience.
Celebrating the Struggle: A Shift in Perspective
One of my mentors in my early years of working with children shifted my perspective. She reminded me to “celebrate the struggle.” As a gentle person, this advice came as a surprise! However this advice changed how I viewed difficulties. I reflected on it for some time, and began to slowly become brave in supporting children through challenge.
Instead of seeing difficulties as something to quickly overcome or remove for children, I saw them as valuable learning opportunities. It became possible to celebrate the effort and progress during struggles, not just the outcome. This helped me immensely as an educator, but also as a parent of young children at the time, as this shift encouraged me to create small challenges for my own children, giving them chances to struggle and celebrate their growth.
For instance, I might ask them to complete a task that required skills they were still practicing, like putting on their socks and shoes. I would allow time for them to figure it out, to recall what they did last time, to struggle with the tricky bits. I would suggest how to position their hands and feet and then wait for them to try. If they seemed stuck, I’d offer another suggestion and wait again.
This approach gave them space to integrate new knowledge, test their skills, and recall what worked. I stayed calm and positive, confidently observing their efforts, knowing they’d eventually succeed. And usually they would – and be completely delighted in their achievement. If they weren’t ready, we could celebrate their effort, and I could help with “the last bit” to finish the task. This doesn’t diminish the satisfaction of trying.
Resilience Looks Different for Every Child
We apply this process in our mentoring at Birdwings for a wide range of experiences in nature: walking/playing in the creek, navigating uneven ground, changing clothes, trying new experiences. It’s important to remember that resilience looks different for every child, just as adversity feels different for everyone.
What seems simple to one child may feel impossible to another. This is why we form deep, trusting relationships with the children in our programs. We take the time to get to know their personalities, their limitations, and their strengths. This helps us guide them gently and individually, encouraging them to face challenges while respecting their emotional needs.
Our Role as Mentors: Holding Space for Growth
At Birdwings, reflective thinking is part of our approach. After a difficult experience, we create space for children to share how they felt. They reflect on what made them worried, and how they helped themselves move through it. This reflection teaches them that discomfort is a normal part of learning, and they have the inner strength to handle challenges. They don’t just bounce back—they lean into their courage and grow stronger.
Trusting Your Child’s Growth
Though it’s hard, trusting the process means trusting your child’s potential. When we teach them the skills they need, we stay present through their struggles and hold space for reflection. We help them grow into resilient individuals with loving boundaries and a vision of them as competent learners. They learn at their own pace, and as they reflect, they realize what they’re truly capable of. That’s when resilience takes root.
Join Us on This Journey
If you’re looking for ways to support your child in building resilience, consider joining our programs at Birdwings Forest School. Our WildPlay Adventures Playgroup is designed for both parents and children to begin this journey together, fostering connections in nature and nurturing growth. Our Little Birdwings and Adventure Club offer full-day nature immersion programs where our mentors work developmentally with children. Through therapeutic, adventurous, and creative play in nature, we focus on developing social skills, emotional resilience, and creative thinking. Come explore with us and help your child discover their strength and courage in a supportive environment!